who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
