so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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