Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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