on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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