Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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