hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
