There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize