it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
