can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
