I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and she was petting her beer can
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
