Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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