i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
