i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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