I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
