Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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