Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
