i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
