he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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