So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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