Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
