I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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