He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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