last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
