first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
