I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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