dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
