Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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