some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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