Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
