They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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