If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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