I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
