I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
