my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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