remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
