I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
