Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
