is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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