She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize