they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i have two assholes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
