Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
