Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
