would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
