Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
