Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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