I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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