great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
