i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
