First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize