just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
