Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
