I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
