I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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