i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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