Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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