i don't like sucking hair
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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