I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
