There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
