i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
