remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
