i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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