Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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