Is it because I queefed?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
