It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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