oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
