Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
