I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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