I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
