I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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